Friday I found out that my Grandmother had entered the hospital because her arm was numb. She was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. And that was all I knew for hours. Since she lives in Oregon, and I in Utah, it's not like I could just get in the car and head over there. That side of my family has a history of heart problems and my Dad just passed away from a stroke last year. Knowing all of this, it was all I could do to hold it together until I heard more about how she was doing. I had been feeling sad anyway and was trying to hold the tears in until I had a moment to myself, but after I got the phone call about my Grandma the tears fell freely. And I continued crying off and on all day.
Why is it that when emotions hit you so strong, your inner voice kicks in with everything logical? I kept thinking, "I know she's 82 and her health hasn't been that great anyway. Besides, she want's to die." (She's been telling us this since she was 69 - because it seems like everyone in her family has died by this age anyway, and she thinks it's totally unfair that she's still alive.) But try as I might, my logical side of me couldn't win. I was overcome with grief and I was so relieved to hear that she had pulled through surgery for a blood clot in her arm. And I was so happy and grateful to have another chance to hear her voice.
You see, I believe that our life continues after the death of our bodies, that our spirits live on. I know that I could talk to her after she died and she would hear me just fine, but I would most likely not be able to hear hers. Even with this knowledge, I am thankful we get one more day to be together on this earth and that I could hear her voice again and let her know I love her and am thankful she's been a part of my life.
I also know that this was probably just the warning signal - just a "news flash" from Above to let us know, the time is soon coming for her to go home - her Heavenly Home. Perhaps next time I won't take it so hard, but then again, I probably will.
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