"Blemishes"

On Thursday morning I may have a "blemish" (or 2-3) removed from my face.  This "blemish" is called a mole.  You know how witches are usually depicted with a big bump at the end of their nose?  Yup!  That's what I have on the side of my face!  Luckily for me they are right by my hair line so if I wear my hair down then no one can really see them.  However, I don't really prefer to wear my hair down because it's always in the way.  (But that's a different story!)

My moles have developed over time, so slowly that I can't even say when they appeared, and the only way I really know they haven't been with me all my life is because of pictures.  I know I didn't have any as a child, but I have a picture of me from 6 years ago, (showcasing that side of my face) and there is a small brown spot, but not the hideous thing that exists there now.  I try not to think of it, but I know it's there.  Whenever I meet a new child, I am always asked what it is, and if it's an especially young (bold) child, they will push on it and poke at it.  They always ask the same thing, "Why do you have that?"  And I usually answer them with a question, "Why do you have blue eyes, or brown hair?"  The answer?  "Because that's how I am."  And I always say the same thing back, "Well, that's how I am too."

For the most part children leave me alone after this conversation and we can have a lovely relationship after that!  Although I did have one child burst into tears upon seeing my moles!  (I could tell he was so scared.) It took me a minute to calm him down - but I had scared him and I felt ashamed.  Especially because I had considered putting my hair down before I left the house that day. (This little boy happened to be in my daughter's kindergarten class last year.  I found out later that when their class visited the zoo, the same child cried when he saw the life-size dinosaurs on display - that made me feel a little better! But poor kid!)

To make a long story short, I want these things removed, but I am nervous about the process.  I don't have very many phobias, but I do have one about needles!  In all actuality, it is the most ridiculous thing, because I know it doesn't really hurt that much, but because of one traumatic event (which wasn't even that traumatic) as a teen, I can't get over a needle coming at me.  I usually go light headed and almost pass out.  Most times I have to lay down, or they put an oxygen mask on me.  I mean, it's so ridiculous that I have had all 3 of my children naturally because I couldn't handle the thought of a needle!  (I must also clarify that my labors are fairly easy - comparatively....) 

I've thought of doing this for a long time, but haven't been able to because of finances.  Now all of a sudden finances are not an issue and I found myself debating if I should get my moles removed or not.   I mean, after all, it's not that bad.  I've lived with them this long (however long that has been...) and it hasn't killed me yet.  But then I think of the possibility of these things being cancerous and I'm reminded that my dentist just advised me to get them looked at and I know I have to do it!  I just have to go through with it.  Although the thought makes me sick to my stomach...  Rationally I know there is no reason to be afraid, but I have been putting it off for a year because of my intense fear of how this process is going to go.  Have I mentioned how ridiculous this is?

Or is it?  After a year of contemplating this removal process, it has caused me to reflect on all kinds of blemishes - the noticeable kind and the not so noticeable ones.  You know - the ones that blemish our personalities and our souls?  Your blemish may lie for years without much notice until, like my mole, it is so obvious that you are aware of it almost every moment of your life. These inner blemishes might only be a slight distraction to others, they may be disgusting - or they can even be downright frightening!  People may point them out to you and advise you to get them taken care of and yet you still resist the removal process.  You may think that "it" isn't so bad, that "it's" easily hidden when needed or that it might hurt to remove it.  However, the more you ignore it, the more obvious it may become, to you and to those around you.  In the past year I've made some major mind set changes in my life and I've finally decided that I'm ready to remove my blemish and allow a professional to examine it and see if it has contaminated any other parts of my life!