Thankful For One More Day!

Friday I found out that my Grandmother had entered the hospital because her arm was numb.  She was taken to the hospital in an ambulance.  And that was all I knew for hours.  Since she lives in Oregon, and I in Utah, it's not like I could just get in the car and head over there.  That side of my family has a history of heart problems and my Dad just passed away from a stroke last year.  Knowing all of this, it was all I could do to hold it together until I heard more about how she was doing.  I had been feeling sad anyway and was trying to hold the tears in until I had a moment to myself, but after I got the phone call about my Grandma the tears fell freely.  And  I continued crying off and on all day.

Why is it that when emotions hit you so strong, your inner voice kicks in with everything logical?  I kept thinking, "I know she's 82 and her health hasn't been that great anyway.  Besides, she want's to die."  (She's been telling us this since she was 69 - because it seems like everyone in her family has died by this age anyway, and she thinks it's totally unfair that she's still alive.)  But try as I might, my logical side of me couldn't win.  I was overcome with grief and I was so relieved to hear that she had pulled through surgery for a blood clot in her arm.  And I was so happy and grateful to have another chance to hear her voice.

You see, I believe that our life continues after the death of our bodies, that our spirits live on.  I know that I could talk to her after she died and she would hear me just fine, but I would most likely not be able to hear hers.  Even with this knowledge, I am thankful we get one more day to be together on this earth and that I could hear her voice again and let her know I love her and am thankful she's been a part of my life.

I also know that this was probably just the warning signal - just a "news flash" from Above to let us know, the time is soon coming for her to go home - her Heavenly Home.  Perhaps next time I won't take it so hard, but then again, I probably will.

First Grade in French

My oldest daughter started school this week.  (I can't believe it's been a whole week already!) Walking away from her on Monday I went through every emotion:
~ Sad to leave her, knowing how much I'll miss her during the day,
~ Panicked about leaving her in a place I have no control over where she is at every moment,
              (Yes, I am a control freak)
~ Questioning if I've taught her all I'm supposed to for her to be ready for school all day?
~ and Excited that she's growing and learning and enjoying it!

Every day she's come home so excited to tell me all about her day!  She LOVES school and she loves learning.  The exciting thing is that she's in a French Immersion program at her school and already she loves it!  She comes home singing a song they have learned in French, "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept violet-uh bicyclette!"  Which is all the numbers from 1-7, and then it says purple bicycle.  Much to her excitement, I just reminded her that she actually does have a purple bicycle.

Her teacher's (she has 2 - one that teaches in English, and the 2nd one teaches in French) sent home a letter on Tues. saying, "Wow!  We are working with an amazing group of first grade students.  They have responded to the language challenge with excitement and enthusiasm.  They watch and listen, then try out the new sounds and words.  If they don't understand what is being said, a friend sitting next to them quickly 'helps' by showing or telling them what to do.  Thank you for sending us children so willing to do their best."  I mean, I know the teachers have to be positive or whatever, but I know they're right.  The kids in there are amazing!  (And I don't just mean my own, although I do think she's pretty amazing!)

We live in such a good place, where parents care about their kids and their education - which makes the children care too.  What a blessing it is for her to be here and to learn a new language!  I know this will open up a whole new world for her!  Which is why, although sending her away to school brings up tons of emotions for me, I'm glad to see her learning so much and so happy about school.

"See Mommy? Daddy's OK!"

Monday my husband went into a surgical center for the removal of a lump of lipoma on his right shoulder. (Lipoma is a fatty, non-cancerous growth.)  Of course, surgery is not fun and can be a bit overwhelming, but when we were reading the list of anesthesia's with their possible side effects, it was downright scary!  Did you know that there is a drug that can cause temporary amnesia? Yikes!  And, of course, there's the side effect that made us decide we should put on paper that if anything were to "happen", I would be able to make decisions for my husband.  With all of those "side effects" going through our brains you can imagine why we were so nervous!

However, in spite of all those scary warnings, the surgery went well and the Dr. reassured him that his growth - although sent to a lab to be checked - would not be cancerous.  As they were telling us about all the things he needed to do to take care of his wound, I had to joke that he would be more work than I was after having a baby!  To which he replied, "I hope not!"  (Honestly, it hasn't been bad!)

Nonetheless, the kids were warned not to touch him when he came home and were in total awe of the drugged up, silent man that walked into the house after the surgery.  Since the bandage isn't where they can see it, I'm sure they were wondering what was wrong with him and why they couldn't touch him.  All that first day they stole peeks into the bedroom where he lay resting and at one point they were invited in, but he was obviously not the jovial person they were used to seeing and talking to.

My 2 youngest just kept asking me, "Is Daddy ok?"  Of course, I explained as best I could, but it's hard to know what they understood.  The next day it was obvious that my little Ana was so concerned because every time her daddy ventured down the stairs, she would run to me, point to him and say, "See Mommy?  Daddy's ok!"

Yes, he's ok and on his way to healing!  Thank goodness for good medicine and for good doctors!

Old Oldies

I feel like today needs something fun and uplifting!  So I thought of music - that always does the trick for me. The other night my husband and I were watching the PBS channel and they were doing their fundraising concert.  This one in particular was called the "Malt Shop Memories Concert" - from the '50s and the '60s.  You know?  The REAL old stuff!  I LOVE music from this era!  My husband always teases me when I show that I know music from this time period, calling me "grandma" and such.  I don't mind, though, he can't say much.  He loves it too!  In fact, he has a Pandora station totally dedicated to "Ole Blue Eyes" (Frank Sinatra) himself!  Old music is about the only kind we can agree on and enjoy together - and why not?  It's fantastic stuff!

If you can believe it, I actually remember my Dad having an 8 track machine and we would listen to the Beach Boys and Neil Diamond on it.  After that died, I remember having a record player.  My brothers and I loved listening to the Beach Boys and I'm thankful my Dad shared his love of music with me.  I can remember riding in the car and singing along to "the oldies" even back then!

Some of my favorites are below - songs I still sing to every time I hear them!

Surfin' USA The Beach Boys- 1963

"Sixteen Candles"  The Crests- 1958
What girl doesn't dream of a boy that can sing to her for her 16th birthday?  You can bet I did. Totally love this song!

"Bobby's Girl" Marcie Blaine- 1962

I actually had a crush on a boy named Bobby, when I was a teen.  I must've listened to this song a million times (or pretty close to that) during that time!  :)

"Earth Angel"  originally released in 1954 by The Penguins
After I heard this song on "Back to the Future" I fell in love with it and has been a favorite ever since!

"All I have to do is Dream"  Everly Brothers- 1958
I actually used to sing this song with some sisters who sang beautifully and were often asked to perform at church functions.  They graciously allowed me to be a part of their group and it was a pleasure and an honor to sing with them.  This song holds good memories for me.

"Blemishes"

On Thursday morning I may have a "blemish" (or 2-3) removed from my face.  This "blemish" is called a mole.  You know how witches are usually depicted with a big bump at the end of their nose?  Yup!  That's what I have on the side of my face!  Luckily for me they are right by my hair line so if I wear my hair down then no one can really see them.  However, I don't really prefer to wear my hair down because it's always in the way.  (But that's a different story!)

My moles have developed over time, so slowly that I can't even say when they appeared, and the only way I really know they haven't been with me all my life is because of pictures.  I know I didn't have any as a child, but I have a picture of me from 6 years ago, (showcasing that side of my face) and there is a small brown spot, but not the hideous thing that exists there now.  I try not to think of it, but I know it's there.  Whenever I meet a new child, I am always asked what it is, and if it's an especially young (bold) child, they will push on it and poke at it.  They always ask the same thing, "Why do you have that?"  And I usually answer them with a question, "Why do you have blue eyes, or brown hair?"  The answer?  "Because that's how I am."  And I always say the same thing back, "Well, that's how I am too."

For the most part children leave me alone after this conversation and we can have a lovely relationship after that!  Although I did have one child burst into tears upon seeing my moles!  (I could tell he was so scared.) It took me a minute to calm him down - but I had scared him and I felt ashamed.  Especially because I had considered putting my hair down before I left the house that day. (This little boy happened to be in my daughter's kindergarten class last year.  I found out later that when their class visited the zoo, the same child cried when he saw the life-size dinosaurs on display - that made me feel a little better! But poor kid!)

To make a long story short, I want these things removed, but I am nervous about the process.  I don't have very many phobias, but I do have one about needles!  In all actuality, it is the most ridiculous thing, because I know it doesn't really hurt that much, but because of one traumatic event (which wasn't even that traumatic) as a teen, I can't get over a needle coming at me.  I usually go light headed and almost pass out.  Most times I have to lay down, or they put an oxygen mask on me.  I mean, it's so ridiculous that I have had all 3 of my children naturally because I couldn't handle the thought of a needle!  (I must also clarify that my labors are fairly easy - comparatively....) 

I've thought of doing this for a long time, but haven't been able to because of finances.  Now all of a sudden finances are not an issue and I found myself debating if I should get my moles removed or not.   I mean, after all, it's not that bad.  I've lived with them this long (however long that has been...) and it hasn't killed me yet.  But then I think of the possibility of these things being cancerous and I'm reminded that my dentist just advised me to get them looked at and I know I have to do it!  I just have to go through with it.  Although the thought makes me sick to my stomach...  Rationally I know there is no reason to be afraid, but I have been putting it off for a year because of my intense fear of how this process is going to go.  Have I mentioned how ridiculous this is?

Or is it?  After a year of contemplating this removal process, it has caused me to reflect on all kinds of blemishes - the noticeable kind and the not so noticeable ones.  You know - the ones that blemish our personalities and our souls?  Your blemish may lie for years without much notice until, like my mole, it is so obvious that you are aware of it almost every moment of your life. These inner blemishes might only be a slight distraction to others, they may be disgusting - or they can even be downright frightening!  People may point them out to you and advise you to get them taken care of and yet you still resist the removal process.  You may think that "it" isn't so bad, that "it's" easily hidden when needed or that it might hurt to remove it.  However, the more you ignore it, the more obvious it may become, to you and to those around you.  In the past year I've made some major mind set changes in my life and I've finally decided that I'm ready to remove my blemish and allow a professional to examine it and see if it has contaminated any other parts of my life!

The Curiosity of a Child

Yesterday my 4year old put soap on her sister's toothbrush and poked the buttons out of her toy laptop with a key.  This same child decided to rip pages out of a book the day before because she wanted to "make coupons" with them.  She's curious about everything!  When she was 18 months old I found her with a jar of vaseline, which, normally at that age would have gone straight into a child's mouth.  Not Tressa.  She was trying to figure out how to put the lid back on in just the right way.  She was taking it off and putting it on.  She must have sat there for half an hour, content to experiment with how it worked - not even realizing the greasy mess she could have made with the stuff inside.  (That happened a few days later!)

Recently she just decided she likes cheese on her peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she had to try Ranch dressing in her rice.  She just has to experiment and try everything.  To say the least, she's a challenge for me because I take things as they are, but she will always be pushing the limits to see what can be changed and why it works the way it does.

I'm sure that as she grows her interests will change and hopefully she'll be able to channel her curiosity and experiment in a positive way.  Sometimes I am at my wits end and don't know what to say to her and sometimes I'm inspired to say something, but there's no evidence that she understands or receives the message.  The thing is, I know that she will have to learn to leave other people's things alone, or people won't like her or will be intimidated by her.  And I know that she really means no harm, but other's may not understand that about her.  I will always love her, but the world may not be so kind.  She will always have to weigh her choices with the consequences and decide if her curiosity is worth the result.

I believe our Father in heaven feels the same about us.  He knows us and understands why we do what we do, but others make harsh judgement on us.  He talks to us constantly about our choices and tries to send messages our way, but I'm sure He's disappointed when there seems to be no evidence that we understand or even receive the message.

How Potty Training Has Changed My Almost 3 Year Old!

Being the baby of the family, my little Anastasia (Ana for short) gets babied for almost everything!  When it seems like she just can't do something, (like pick up toys) or when she's a little sad, her oldest sister will come to her aid almost immediately.  (Talk about enabling!)  One time when someone was visiting, we introduced her as Anastasia, although almost no one calls her that really, and our visitor asked her if she ever gets called anything else (meaning Ana) and she said, "Yes.  Baby."  That was a good 6 months ago now, but the mentality has stuck with her - even though I keep reminding her that she's almost a big 3 year old!  None of that made a difference until she started potty training!

She's showed an interest in it before, but on Sunday I finally put my foot down and said, "We are starting you tomorrow!"  I explained that this would be her last box of diapers and she would get to wear big girl panties and everything.  Then I also told her she would get stickers and candy. (That's right we're totally using the bribes and treats!) So Monday she used the toilet 4 times and didn't really get into it until Tuesday.  Tuesday it seemed she was going every 10 minutes!  (I counted her stickers after she was in bed and it averaged out to every half an hour - and she did that herself, no timer needed! Amazing!) Although that was a bit tiring for me, it was amazing for her!  I was so proud of her and she seemed very happy herself.  She was singing a happy little song every time she washed her hands!

She did so good that yesterday I let her wear her big girl panties and she did great!  After how she had done the day before I wasn't that surprised, but I wasn't prepared for the rest of what would happen.  Not only did she wear big girl panties, but all of a sudden she could help pick up toys and she vacuumed all by herself!  Mind you she's been frightened of it up until now!  Not only that, but I had to pry it away from her after she had been vacuuming for about 20 min.s and we were ready to eat dinner!

It wasn't until after she was in bed that I started to review the day and realized that her doing potty training has empowered her and made her feel like a big girl!  Watch out world here comes Ana!