Gaining Eternal Perspective and Knowledge About the Other Side!

Part 2: Seeing My Life and Myself from a Spiritual Perspective

So Mary Ann Winkowski taught me about the first level of the spiritual realm and the books I read by James Van Praagh took me to the next level.   I think sometimes people get confused about what a medium is and what they do.  Some would classify Mrs. Winkowski as a medium, but in fact she isn't.  I found this article that clearly explains how a medium works.  Please reference this link for deatils:   http://www.oprah.com/spirit/What-is-a-Medium-Rebecca-Rosen/1

Simply put, however, a medium connects with people who have crossed over into the light of God.  And they have to fine tune their skills - just like any talent.  In Mr. Van Praagh's case, he always saw spirits surrounding him and, as a kid, was readily discouraged about sharing anything he saw or heard from the other side.  He grew up Catholic, but was confused about the religion because of what he knew about the other side from the spirits he could see and connect with.

As a teen he ignored his gift as much as he could and pursued a career in broadcasting and communications - he wanted to be a producer and co-produced The Ghost Whisperer.  Eventually, the other world became so much a part of him, that he had to decide if he wanted to give up his gift completely or turn it into his profession, which is what he ended up doing.

While learning about mediums, my dear friend who interested me in all of this in the first place, confirmed for me that my mother-in-law (who died in 2003) is often around me.  I had premonitions that this was true all along, but she confirmed it for me.  I feel her presence often.  Although I never met her in this life, I know that she guards over my children and  is a strong presence for good in my life.  I welcome her and am thankful she is here!

I also saw my friend do a reading for a mutual friend and the spirit that was with us 3 women at the time was amazing!  When you have an experience like this, the spirit is testifying to you - so strongly - that there is an existence after physical death - that it moves people to tears!  And you know that what you are hearing is truly a message from the other side!

While I was having my own spiritual experiences with real people, I was reading about other people's experiences. I started reading books/accounts about near death experiences (NDE's) as well (which I will cover in my next post), but I also read a book called The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.  This book paved the way for me to understand how a medium connects with the next life.  While the book has a fictional storyline, the principles it teaches are true.

Most importantly it taught me about "energy" and how we connect to each other and every living thing.  This book clearly defined for me the importance of staying connected to God.  I loved how it explained the effects of manipulation and domination.  This book, together with James Van Praagh's books, helped me to evaluate my past, present and future.  (For more information about the teachings from The Celestine Prophecy, go to this website: http://www.celestinevision.com/ and you can see 9 insights listed on the left side of this post.)

I read 3 of James Van Praagh's books, Ghosts Among Us, Unfinished Business and Talking to Heaven.  Remember that I mentioned mediums only connect with people who have crossed over into the light and they bring messages of love and hope to the living?  Well, I believe this is why Mr. Van Praagh specifically mentions that he does Not believe in a devil as an actual person, because he does not encourage "dark" encounters.  However, he does believe in evil!  Before he does a reading, or invites the spirit world into his life, he prays for protection and asks for only good energy to be with him.  I loved some of the imagery he taught for prayer!  He tells about envisioning God's love as a bright white light.  He says to imagine this love/light flowing in and around you - and everything you want protected or filled with love.  He is the one who helped me to see just how Very, Very powerful thoughts can be!

Because the veil is so thin for him, he can see people's aura's, or the energy surrounding a person.  Often he can see where the energy is sick or weak because of negativity in a person's life.  I loved the account he told of a CEO who was not very much liked because he was not a nice person.  One day the CEO walked past him and he could see knives sticking out of his back from all the negative thoughts people had thrown his way.  Mr. Van Praagh said that if this CEO didn't have any major sicknesses at the time, he was going to - if he didn't change who he was!  Whether those daggers were literal or not is not the point.  The point is that the negativity you send to someone - even via thoughts - affect yourself and those you point them toward.  After reading that story I quickly repented of negative thoughts I had been sending to certain people in my life - Especially myself!

James Van Praagh's books made me see life differently and heightened my spiritual awareness tremendously.    From his books I learned that there is no accidental experience, that we can take EVERY single experience that we have - good or bad - and learn from them.  Together, with the Celestine Prophecy, I learned to look at my past and present; evaluate where I was, how I got there, and the lessons I had learned along the way.

All of a sudden I knew why things had happened in my life - things I had been beating myself up about and questioned for years!  I was open to revelation that helped me to see my life from an eternal perspective.  I clearly saw the choices I made, why I made them, and the lessons I had learned because of those choices.  I learned to be thankful for my trials and I learned how to see important lessons in even the hardest of things!

Let me be very clear that in all the research I have done about "the other side", I have never, not even once, or a little bit, wanted to have any sort of experience like a medium does!  However, all of his books have a section where he teaches you tips about how to be closer to the other side.  I would read them out of curiosity - the whole time praying for NO such thing to happen to me!

It's a bit ironic that even though I didn't want any sort of "heightened" spiritual experience, that's exactly what I got.  For those of you who don't know, I have a baby monitor in my house.  The part that monitors noise is upstairs in my hallway, and the part you hear the noise out of sits on my kitchen counter.  Around the time of reading these books I had a few interesting experiences.  One day when Jessie was in school and the other 2 were taking naps, I heard a child's voice clearly say, "Mom."  Of course, I went up to check on my kids, but they were sound asleep, although they have been known to talk in their sleep before, it is few and far between.  I thought it was a bit "supernatural-ish", but nothing like the next experience where I was laying next to Jessie on her bed (at bedtime) and felt a little hand tap my back.  I turned, fully expecting to see Anastasia standing there and there was no one.  Ana and Tressa were sound asleep in their beds!  I then realized that, a few weeks earlier, Jessie had been complaining about her sisters running back and forth in the hallway.  Every time I went to check, they were sound asleep.  I put 2 and 2 together and realized there was a child's presence in my home and asked for Heavenly Father to not make it so obvious to us - or let it be known in some other way - He did.  To this day I have no idea why I had that experience!

Reading these books has certainly made me closer to the other side (which I will cover more in depth in Part 3) and I could talk, for hours, about the things I learned from Mr. Van Praagh's books.  However, I think this blog post is enough - along with other tidbits on the right side of this post.  If you feel you would like to learn more about a medium's life, keep these things in mind:

1. Make sure you set clear boundaries about what sort of spirit you want to enter your life and home because these books - if you believe them - will open you to a closer connection to the spiritual realm!

2. Mediums connect to their spirit guides, or their guardian angels, if you will.  They may encourage you to pray to them - this is wrong.  While a guardian angel is there to protect and guide you, they do not want you to pray to them and they will get any message they may need through you speaking to them directly, or by  praying to God!

3. Most mediums also believe in re-incarnation.  I believe almost everything James Van Praagh has written about is true, but this is one thing I do not believe!  I have done some research on this topic and will discuss it further in my next post, however, I will caution those of you who are easily swayed to read up more on this topic (if you feel it may be confusing to your current beliefs) before you are confronted with someone who believes in re-incarnation.

I very strongly recommend The Celestine Prophecy as a good read!  Below is a clip from the movie.  It's called:  giving and receiving energy.  It is a bit cheesy to see the energy floating around the people, but I think it illustrates the point very well!  The woman is talking about a piece of ancient manuscript that has insights about how to live your life.  (Please ignore the weird koala picture at the end!)

Gaining Eternal Perspective and Knowledge About the Other Side!

Part 1: How It Began

I've tried to write this blog post several times now, but haven't been able to write things exactly as I want them to come across.  Not only that, but I think it may take a few posts before I have written everything.  (Hence the Part 1 written above.)  Also, I have been a bit fearful that there are some people in my world who may look at me a little differently after reading this.  Spiritual things are kind of interesting like that - if someone is not ready for certain information, it can cause criticism, disbelief and doubt and make people look at you like you're a bit crazy.  To me, this spiritual experience has been a bit surreal and I might not have believed it had it not been me experiencing it.  Needless to say, this time the prompting to write about my experience is so strong that I feel I have to try again and make it as good as I can, pray it will help those in need and leave it at that.

About 3 years ago, a dear friend told me that she has a special spiritual gift... For her the spiritual world is very close.  She can feel the presence of people who have passed on and - in some cases - she has been passed on messages to those of us who are living.  At the time I had no idea there were people who do this all the time (they're called mediums) and in trying to explain this to me, she used the show The Ghost Whisperer as an example.  Because I love this woman and wanted to understand what she was telling me, I started watching the show to better understand what she meant.  Trying to understand my dear friend has taken me on an incredible journey, a spiritual journey...

As I was watching this show, there were many things that I believed and some I thought were just bogus.  My interest and disbelief in the show led me to research it more fully and I found out that The Ghost Whisperer is based on a real woman, Mary Ann Winkowski.  Incidently, she has written her own book about her her gift.  I read her book, When Ghosts Speak.  This book opened my mind to the afterlife.  Don't get me wrong, as an LDS woman, I already had a belief in, and a vague knowledge of the afterlife - but this was the first book that let in extreme details and filled in where other things have not.  Most importantly, I realized how close the "other side" really is!!!!

You have to understand that this is the same person who had a childhood friend who claimed her grandparents had ghosts in their house.  All I knew was that when people die they go to heaven.  I could not understand why any person who had died would cause any sort of mischief or "haunting" and I readily dismissed everything she said to me.  Looking back, I realize that I never felt comfortable in her Grandma and Grandpa's house and every time I went in, I wanted to turn around and run out, but I always chalked that up to me being uncomfortable -as a child- around old people.  Now, I know better.

Oh sure, I'd seen the movie Ghost, and the move Casper - both movies that clearly depict spirits who have not crossed over into the light - but I still had no clue that these were depictions of things that really happen! That is, until I read Mary Ann Winkowski's book.  You see Mary Anne can see and talk to spirits who have not crossed over into the light of God.  When she is asked to help out, she does anything and everything she can to help a spirit cross over into that light.  Which is, as she puts it, where a spirit belongs.

From Mrs. Winkowski, I learned that all spirits have this light available to them at the time of death.  For up to 3 days the spirit is allowed to cross back and forth between the two planes.  If a spirit decides to stay and not cross over then they are stuck on earth, with us, and without any light from the other side.  People choose to stay on the earth for various reasons.  Whatever the reason, it is not the place that a spirit is meant to be.  These spirits need energy to have any form of "life" and, because of that, they can cause huge problems to the living.  Most importantly, these spirits drain you from your energy and can cause sicknesses in the living.  Not only do they use human energy, but they can also use electrical energy.  Which is why it's common in ghost stories for the lights to flicker or something - because that is truly what an earth bound spirit can/has to do in order to function on this plane - they use energy.  (Incidently they can also cause electrical issues with a house - surprise, surprise.)

I know, I know, it sounds a bit creepy, but when I read her book everything made so much sense!  Mary Ann taught me why people stay, who or what, they may attach themselves to and that they surround us all the time.  She opened my mind to positive and negative "energy" and how it can affect us physically and spiritually.  The way that Mary Ann cleanses a home from negative energy (which can come from spirits, but can also come from our own negative thinking) is through a quince seed - a seed that is prayed over.  She claims it has special power.  I believe it does, but not because the seed is powerful in and of itself, it is powerful because of the prayers behind it!  Mrs. Winkowski did not claim this herself, but from her I learned why people dedicate their homes to God, why we are counseled to pray always and over everything!  Her stories and insight helped me to understand scripture stories of casting out devils.   From her, I learned that I should protect myself - spiritually - at all times.  I learned that prayer is a powerful tool and that it protects one from spiritual dangers that are, in fact, quite real!  Her book taught me about the first and lower level of the spiritual world.  Although I had no idea at the time, it was the beginning of my journey.  This journey has not only lead me to understand my friend, but it has taught me to better understand myself and my relationship with God and loved ones here and on the other side.

Mary Ann's book had a forward that was written by a medium named James Van Praagh.  I had an intense curiosity to read one of his books too!

(More on him and what I learned from him in my next post - Stay tuned!)

Just for kicks and giggles, a clip from the movie Casper:

Beads and Braids, Braids and Beads!

When Jessie heard that she was going to have a week break from school, practically the first thing she asked me was if I could put beads in her hair.  Let me just say that every time I do braids and beads, by the end of it, I am swearing I will never do it again!  At least, not for a very, very long time!  (I think it's been a year since I did it last!)  Needless to say, I did not immediately say yes.  Because it takes so LONG and when I do one head, I have to do all 3!  While I love the results, I hate the time it takes, the endless TV watching, and whiny-ness!  I don't know what it is, but for some reason, when the TV is on - all 3 girls think they need to be right there watching it, even if they are not the one getting their hair done!  So by the end of about 5 hours in front of the TV you can imagine how much energy they had.  This was day 2 of the braiding process.  I started Jessie's hair at 2 o'clock and ended at about 7pm.  They ran around for 3 hours before I could bear to put them to bed.  And I mean literally running - they were chasing each other all around the house!

So, why would I torture myself, one might ask - because it's worth it!  Even though it took 3 days, and roughly 19 hours to complete every head of hair, it was worth it!   Some people take their girls out shopping, or to get manicures...  But me?  I do my girls' hair.  I LOVE to do their hair!  I love the connection - literally and figuratively - I love the talking and just spending time with them!  I suspect that one day it will end, when they become teens and Mom's ideas aren't "cool enough" anymore.  But, until then (once a year) I will put up with the whining and the endless hours!

Jessie Turned Seven!

On March 8, 2005 I was in the hospital giving birth to my first child - Jessie Petronila!  She was a month early and so tiny, but luckily she was fully developed, so she came home with me after the regular 2 days in the hospital.  Of course, I didn't know how labor or recovery would be, but the day after I came home from the hospital I went shopping!  I felt great!  But after my Mom left, the real labor began - the intense day in and day out of taking care of a newborn.  For most of her first year it felt like she was awake more than she was asleep.  Although I remember those days and how hard it was, when I see her now it seems all worth the work!

Granted, there are days/moments when I feel like I'm going to strangle her, but for the most part she is such a wonderful kid!  Perhaps it's because she's the first, or maybe because she's a mirror of my younger self, but for whatever reason we have such a connection!  There are times when she does something or is about to say something and I know already that she will do it or what she's going to say.  I often hear her say, "How did you know?"  (How do I explain to her that I would've done the same thing at that age?  Especially when it's something I don't really want her to do?)

From an early age Jessie loved people!  As soon as she could walk, she would go up to other kids and get in their face as if to say hi.  She's so good at making friends and she has such a sensitive soul.  While a sensitive kid, and prone to being so concerned about what other's think/feel, I'm always so proud of her when she stands up for herself!  And I'm especially so happy at how well she does in school!  At her age I couldn't even talk to the teachers, let alone volunteer to do anything!

She's in the French Immersion program at school and she LOVES it!  She loves speaking French and she loves knowing another language.  I love seeing how good she is at it and how quickly she's picked it up.  It's truly amazing to me.

Jessie is creative in every sense of the word.  She loves to sing, dance and act. One of her favorite things right now is to make up ballet dances with her sisters.  Even though she hasn't actually had any classes.  And she loves to draw and make things with paper.  Which is the reason why her b-day invitations were hand made this year.  She just loves to create things.

She made some for Tressa's party too.

She also has just figured out that she loves reading!  She's really into the Magic Rainbow Fairy series!  Every time she gets a new one I let her stay up to read a few chapters.  She loves magical things and she's convinced that the tooth fairy is real.  She has written her several notes and the "tooth fairy" has written back.  (How can I resist?)  For that reason I made her a fairy cake and we made a fairy craft for her party!

Here's the link, if you'd like to do it yourself!
http://ourworldwideclassroom.blogspot.com/2010/09/craft-club-pipe-cleaner-fairy.html

She's such a girlie girl and if she had her way she'd wear a dress almost every day.  She loves jewelry and dressing up!

One time when my Mom was visiting she told me how much she loves to watch Jessie because she reminds her so much of me when I was a little kid.  Since she told me that (a few years ago) I now realize why I sometimes know what she's going to do before she even realizes.  Because I know we are so much alike: I have more empathy for her when she's upset because of friends/foes at school; I know I'm fighting a loosing battle at bedtime when she stays awake for hours after she's originally tucked in, and I can pretty safely assume that anytime she's not supposed to get into something - she does it very sneakily when I'm not around!

I feel so lucky to be her mom and even though I feel sad sometimes that she's growing so fast, for the most part, I'm so glad she's 7!

I Am A Christian.... But Some People Call Me a Mormon

I do not condemned other faiths.  I believe that everyone must find their own way to God. The longer I live and the more people I meet, the more convinced I am that there is more than one way to God.  There is an abundant of good people in the world - those who profess Christ as a Savior and those who do not.  It seems it is too much to ask that we can live in peace with other religions, but I will never buy into the judgement people pass on about other religions, just as I hope that someone who knows me and knows that I am a "Mormon" will never condemn me for what I believe.

Since "Mormon's" have been in the news a lot lately, I am writing this post to share my own testimony of what I believe and how I feel about my religion.  (Please feel free to pass on this post to others who may wonder about our religion.  Also, the link to the church's website is on the top right corner.)

I belong to The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints!  We have a book called the Book of Mormon - which is why people who belong to the church were originally called "Mormons".  However, the name of our church is the church of Jesus Christ.  As the Book of Mormon clearly states in 2 Nephi 25:26 "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."

We know that the Book of Mormon is divine text - just as the Bible - that teaches us about our Savior and Redeemer.  This is the reason why we read it, believe it, and use it to better our own knowledge of Christ, who atoned for our sins.  We know it is only through this sacrifice that we can even hope to live with God again after we have experienced our tests in this life and have moved on to the next one.

I have always known this.  I had wonderful parents who taught me about our Savior and I knew that He loved me and that I needed Him.  I remember being baptized at the age of 8 into this church.  I remember talking to my parents about why I wanted to be baptized.  I knew it was because I wanted to follow Christ.  I wanted to follow Christ's example and I wanted Him to know that I was committed to living a life being an example of His light and love.  I took that commitment very seriously - perhaps too much so at times, but I knew what I was committing to.

I know I am one of the few who has been blessed to know of the existence of a Savior from an early age.  I remember being 5 or 6 years old and having my brother ask me if I believed all this stuff we were learning at church.  His question surprised me - I had never questioned any of it.  And even after he asked me and the idea of questioning the existence of a God was purposed to me, I knew that what I had learned in church was true and I told him so.  For me the knowledge of Christ was just as natural for me to believe as it is for me to breathe.  It's not something I had to think about, I just knew it was right.

When I was 11 years old I was struggling with some things and seriously considered taking my own life.  The only thing that helped me to hold on to this life was knowing that I would have to meet my God face to face and explain to Him why I took my life.  I couldn't handle the thought of looking Him in the face and acknowledging such an awful thing.

When I was a teen, it comforted me to read the scriptures and know that Christ had suffered for me, that He knew me and that He already knew I would make mistakes and He loved me anyway.  His tender love and mercy were real to me.  So real that I wrote a poem to express how I felt about Him and the love I feel from Him.  (See post below this one.)

As an adult, I find comfort in knowing that I can repent because of Him.  I guess as an adult I realize more and more how many mistakes I make and how much help I really need.

My life has always revolved around my knowledge of Jesus and His sacrifice for me and for all of us.  And, regardless of what other people think about me or about my beliefs, I know that I am a Christian.  I know that Christ lives, that He came to earth in the flesh, lived a mortal life and suffered for our sins so that there would be hope for us to return to our heavenly home.  I know that, by turning to Him, we can feel peace in this world of turmoil and trouble, and through faith and repentance, we can return to His loving presence again.

The video below is my favorite hymn, which I insisted be sung at my baptism, it says it's "Into the Light", but really it is called, "I Stand all Amazed".

My "Poem" about Christ

Written in 1995.  This is not a rhyming poem, but I didn't know what else to call it, really.

Comely in looks,

Yet strong with many years of hard, physical labor.

His work requires someone with endurance and 

     Patience in every tiny detail

Whether his task be a rocking horse

     or putting up the walls of a house.

He holds his head high

     and he's not afraid to look you in the eye.

One can tell that he is sure of himself.

His very being impresses the image 

     of power on my mind.

His power is gentle-

     born of His love for me.

In His eyes all are equal.

     No one has to pass judgement.

He accepts anyone who will give up 

     their sins and come to Him.

Not once does He think of Himself

     or what others will give in return.

He wants everyone to feel of His love,

     To find comfort in the warmth of His touch.

He wants to help us become the best we can be.

     He knows that each one of us is 

Unique and has a special gift to share.

To be in His very presence

     Can calm a troubled heart.

At the touch of His gentle hands

      A child lives.

At the sound of His voice

     The stormy sea is calmed.

People gather around Him-

     Longing to hear what He has to say,

          Wanting His acceptance.

He leads the way as He reaches out

     to those outside of the circle of followers.

He opens a door and lets them 

     Come unto Him.

He teaches of love, peace,

     Understanding, compassion, and mercy.

There is wisdom, knowledge and light in His eyes.

As He speaks not one person can doubt

     that He knows His mission in life,

And the purpose of man on this earth.

*       *       *       *         *       *      *     *      *    *

I pushed my way through the crowd-

     Wanting with all of my heart to

Be close enough to touch Him.

Soon I was before Him

     and my eyes met His.

He seemed to be searching my soul...

     Asking my heart if it believed?

Do I have the faith that He can give me

     the strength I need to make it through this life?

Do I believe His teachings?

     Will I follow Him?

     The Creator of all,

Man's Savior and Redeemer,

     Him who rules a kingdom above,

The Judge of all who will enter heaven-

     With the humility of a beggar

He asks me to accept Him and His message.

Can I doubt His power?

     Or the love that He has for me?

Tears came to my eyes as I answered his unasked question:

     "Yes, Lord.  I believe and willingly will I follow Thee."

How could I deny Him?

     Such love, devotion and compassion!

A love like that I've never known.

     I trust Him and know that He will not lead me astray.

Through my tears and sorrowing heart,

     I can hear His soft voice

beckoning me to look beyond my trouble,

     Helping me to rise up out of despair.

In the mist of confusion and

     the darkness surrounding me,

Slowly pressing me to my knees with it's weight-

     I know that only my faith 

          can bring His healing touch.

As I call out to Him-

     Through the darkness His hand will come to help me up.

His grip is firm, comforting and gentle.

     He will lead me,

           Gently pulling me back into the light.

Take 2! (Or is it 100?)

I've always loved the Cosby show - it's so down to earth and the parents always know what to do with/for their kids.  Well, I was told once that the Cosby Show had a child psychologist on set to go over the scripts and in this way they made sure that the way the "parents" dealt with the "kids" was appropriate....

After becoming a parent there have been a few times when I have wished I had one of those on my "set" - this play that I call my life!  How great it would be if I could take a break, step back, have my "performance" evaluated and then go back and perform my part until I got it just right!  Especially with my kids!  There are so many times when I wish I knew the right thing to do.

Yesterday was one of those days!  A girlfriend and I had already planned to hang out yesterday morning - a break I desperately needed - and as I'm getting ready to go, Tressa insists that she's coming with me.  Of course, I gently tell her no, but she doesn't stop asking!  And the more I tell her no, the more she persists until it becomes a huge power struggle.  She's screaming and crying as I'm pushing her back in the door telling her she has to stay.  While inside my heart is breaking and I'm asking myself if this time out for Mom is really worth the struggle.  I'm asking myself that the whole drive to see my friend and even on the way home.  Until I realize that "Yes, I needed that break!"  I came home and she had calmed down, but Jessie told me last night that she cried a long time after I left, returning to the window at intervals to see if I had returned yet.  (It probably didn't help that I kept forgetting things and had to come back into the house several times and push her away every time!)

It was obvious that my heart still felt guilty because I had a dream this morning that she got into trouble for acting up at church, I put her on a chair and went to find the next sister that was acting up - when I got back I couldn't find her.  In my dream, all I could think about was that she had run away because I was so mean.  I couldn't find her - no one could.  And I woke up in the middle of my break down as I realized it was my fault she had run away from me.

Yup, that's how my day started!  Needless to say, when Tressa awoke this morning I spent some time talking to her about how hard it is to be a Mom sometimes and how I need breaks, but that I will always come back to her.  I told her I loved her.

I don't know if I "got it right" this time, but I know all I can do is just keep trying.

 Lights. Camera.  Action.  Take 100!

Simple Prayers

People fill my mind constantly.  People I know and people I've only heard about through others.  Sometimes they add weight to the load I'm already carrying and sometimes they uplift.  I don't know if this is because I'm overly sensitive, or if this is normal for everyone, but when I was younger it really used to affect me.  I never quite knew what to do with all of those emotions and I know I was probably really intense! But as I've grown older, I've had experiences that have taught me how to deal with these intense emotions from/for other people.

Sometimes I have to let people go.  Emotionally and physically, I have to walk away from people.  Although that's not my first choice.  Mostly what I've learned to do is to allow myself to feel everything and then I ask myself.  Is there anything I can do?  If the answer is yes, then I do it!  If the answer is no, then I simply take a moment to pray for that person.

People pop into my head all day and not necessarily at convenient times.  Do I all of a sudden fall on my knees and pray out loud?  No.  I simply clear my mind of all other thoughts and take a moment to think of that person and their situation and send it heavenward.  All it takes is a minute.  I trust that God knows them and is in charge of their life, but I plead in their behalf for just a moment and then I move on.  Some may say that my prayer is not much and may not do much for that person's situation, but I believe that thoughts are powerful and that, if you involve God in those thoughts, it is the most powerful of all!  So when people pop into my head I take a moment to acknowledge them, give them a place in my heart, and then I can move forward with my own life.

I Am African AND American

Playing games with friends and Daddy!

I have always loved people - and been fascinated and pulled towards people of other cultures especially.  When I was in first grade I remember learning about the Hopi Indians.  And about the cruelties of white man to the American Indians.  I came home and asked my Mother how people could be so mean.  As my Mom tried to explain, I just couldn't get over the unfairness of it all.  I cried.  (Can you imagine?  My poor Mother.)

From then on I wanted to be someone else - I went through a phase where I begged my Mom to let me die my hair black (yes, that was when I was 6) - I wanted to be an Indian!  I'm sure my Mom tried to tell me how wonderful I was just as I was, but I wouldn't hear it.  Well, thankfully I am no longer wishing to be something I'm not, but instead I know I am blessed to be me.

When I was called to go on a mission to preach the gospel in the Netherlands I was overjoyed at a chance to see more of the world and meet people from a different culture!  Little did I know that my life would drastically change course while there.  The people who loved to speak to us and who would readily hear our message were from Africa.  I had pictured meeting new people in the Netherlands, but didn't know that they would be African.  Needless to say I completely fell in love with them all!  I loved how welcoming they were, how they loved the Lord and how easily they accepted and loved other people.  I was fascinated by their stories and inspired by their eagerness to better their lives for them and for their children.  I met so many people from so many cultures, but the African people I met had a special place in my heart.

When I knew I was returning home, I was dismayed to think of all the cultures I would leave behind, and I promised myself I would somehow keep in touch with the cultures I had learned to love and respect.  I joined an African club on campus and that's where I met my husband.

I like to say that I joined the African club for life!  Only...  Of course, it's not a club, it's my life!  Half of my heart has become African.  My language, food, activities, beliefs, friends and my family; everything I now do and have in my life is greatly influenced by African culture!  And I wouldn't have it any other way!  Don't get me wrong, it's not always easy.  Combining cultures can be difficult.  We think differently, we see things from different perspectives and sometimes have a hard time understanding each other.  And every time someone asks me if my children are adopted or I see my husband's frustration when people treat him differently, or I hear what people say about our President - who's father is African and mother is white American - I feel a sinking in my heart.  But I feel so blessed to have another culture in my life, to know and understand that the world is so much bigger than one language, one people, or one country.  Even though my skin is white, my native tongue is English, and I was raised in America - I am African AND American.  And I hope that my children will learn to love their heritage from both sides of their family - I hope that whatever struggles they may have will make them stronger and that they will learn to stand up proudly and say that they too are African AND American!

I See You

When I saw the movie Avatar, I was enthralled by the song at the end, I See You.  I immediately came home and found it online.  Since that day, it comes into my mind off and on.  Well, today is one of those days.  I decided to do a little research to find out more about what it could possibly mean.  As I looked around I found a blog written by Jay Michaelson.  (He is an author of a book entilted, Everything is God, and has a Ph.D.)  He explains that the phrase from the movie, "I see you" is a "direct translation of the Sanskrist Namaste", which means, "the God in me sees the God in you."  Or in other words, "I see Myself in your eyes."  (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jay-michaelson/the-meaning-of-avatar-eve_b_400912.html)

What beautiful imagery!  

All of a sudden my mind is far from the scenes of Avatar, and instead, pictures the one Being who can clearly see us as we are.  Our God, whose love enlightens and inspires us to sacrifice our life to bask in His glow; whose words and holy spirit bring comfort and breathe hope into our lives.  One day He will lead us home to a paradise!  Until we can bask in His full glory, there are people who may come our way, people who have touched our lives for good.  These people have seen us as we are and loved us anyway.  This love can only come from one pure source, from our God who is the epitome of love and light!  I have known people like this, and I feel they have truly seen the God in me and I have seen the Godliness in them. 

Song and words below:

I see you

I see you

Walking through a dream, I see you

My light in darkness, breathing hope of new life

Now I live through you and you through me

      Enchanting

I pray in my heart that this dream never ends

I see me through your eyes

Breathing new life, flying high

Your love shines the way into paradise

So I offer my life as a sacrifice

I live through your love

You teach me how to see all that's beautiful

My senses touch a world I never pictured

Now I give my hope to you, 

      I surrender

I pray in my heart that this world never ends

I see me through your eyes

Breathing new life, flying high

Your love shines the way into paradise

So I offer my life, I offer my love, for you

When my heart was never open

(And my spirit never free)

To the world that you have shown me

But my eyes could not envision

All the colors of love and of life evermore

Evermore

(I see me through your eyes)

I see me through your eyes

(Living new life flying high)

Flying high

Your love shines the way into paradise

So I offer my life as a sacrifice

I live through your love

I live through your life

I see you

I see you

What kind of Christian am I?

Every Sunday I take the 1300 East exit off of I-15, and every Sunday I see a homeless person - or at least someone in need - on all 3 off ramps coming into town.  Every Sunday I wonder how terrible my situation would have to be for me to stand on the corner of a street holding a sign asking for help.  This would take a lot, since I'm such a prideful person.  And I believe that most of us are.  We are born with a desire to do for ourselves, just look at any child ages 18 months and up - that's when we start fighting for the right to be independent and to make our own choices.  

Well, today as I passed all 3 men, I found myself wondering...  "How did they get on the street?  Are they homeless, or just without a job? I wonder what it is that they need?  What could I offer them?  How could I approach them and offer assistance without being degrading and still being on guard - in case they were dangerous somehow?"  With all these questions playing over and over, but also being overwhelmingly grateful that I'm not the one on the corner, the thought popped into my head, "What kind of a Christian are you?  There must be something you can do!"  And then I started to think about what I would want if I was homeless, standing in the cold with a sign.  Perhaps a cup of something warm to drink and something to eat?  Maybe a sandwich - even something so simple would be gratefully accepted by me, if I was starving!  I wonder, could I do something so simple?  And would it be gratefully accepted?

Slowly, my mind started to change focus as I realized I could at least try, that I could trust my instincts and do better to serve the people around me.  I realized that I wanted to be the kind of Christian that follows the Savior's example and I knew in that moment that I probably wouldn't be able to drive by again without that thought nagging me, constantly in the back of my mind, until the next week when I drive by again.  "What kind of Christian are you?"